It might come across right, chances are it's not going to. We all go through life compromising for the greater good. But when it comes to whatever your art is, you are, by all means, allowed to be a complete fascist. There is no "Oh, what about me, don't think/do/say that." No, I don't care about you. There is no you. I'm in charge of this, you do you're own work if you so choose. There should be no compromise in art.
Just had to get that off my chest.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Swallow these Pills!
We have "Chantix" to help you stop smoking, "Celebrex" to help you move your oldass bones. We've got "Lexapro" if you hate your life, or "Cialas" if your dick hates you. Question - Were the Romans concerned about cholesterol? Did Ben Franklin and Albert Einstein have to "Talk to their doctors about taking Viagra?" My guess, probably not. Why? Because life was just plain old simple. Your cock didn't work anymore, guess it just wasn't meant to re-produce anymore. We've had so many new mental and physical ailments in the last 25 years, and oddly enough, a freaking pill to accommodate each and every goddamn one of them.
"Do we have a pill to cure AIDS, or Cancer? No! We've got a pill that'll make you harder then Chinese algebra!" - Robbin Williams
A few hundred years ago, depression didn't exist. "King Aurthur, do we set upon our epic quest today my lord!?!" - "No Sir Lancelot, I'm just not feeling it today."
NO! Depression is something we invented, then we backed it by "studies" and "statistics", we pussified ourselves. Seventy years ago if you weren't feeling happy, you know what you did? You got the hell out of your house and did something that made you happy. "Oh, but you don't know what it's like, to have to deal with this inner pain everyday." Blow me. If you honestly believe that then I have some prime spot high rise real estate in Haiti I want you to invest in.
We loath in our self pity. We think we're all unique, and suffer and only this pill, this magical pill that our Doctor has provided us can fix it. After all, he loves and cares for us, he doesn't do it because of our insurance company that pays these insane rates, nor the drug companies that offer crazy incentives. God no, couldn't be that! Listen, you're upset, I understand. But here's an idea, just throwing it out in the dark, its called having the blues. We all do. Life is shit, get to know this. If you're still in your mid to late 20s and suffer from depression, you're horribly wrong. You're having a tough time growing up and facing the real world, and that fact that it is an unpleasant, cruel, and rude place, where nobody gives a damn about you. We all feel uncomfortable, "out of whack & out of touch." Quit crying, grow up, come out of your cave and make something of yourself.
The Dinosaurs lived 65 MILLION years ago. The average human life span is 80 years. Are you gonna waste what little time you have here being self absorbed, or are you going to go make something of yourself. Anything is possible, the only X factor is you.
Which brings us to males and their penises'. (Odd segway into that I'm aware, but just go with it). Guys, I know too many of us (mostly the dumber ones of our species) think with the wrong head. It's because of pricks like you (pun intended), that everything in life has basically come down to a cock measuring contest, all the while lowering the international male IQ. You're resolve? Make a chemical, intended for heart use, accidentally creating side effect that generates is a raging hard on, realize what you've created, re-label the whole thing and bam!, new market created. I swear, if I locked myself in a room for a month, trying to come up with the funniest thing mankind has ever heard, I couldn't lay a finger on Viagra.
There is no reason an 85 year old retiree should be rocking a flag at full mast. Several reasons = one, nobody wants to see that, not even the pile of bones in the other room enjoying "The Price is Right" marathon that you intended on giving drill instruction to. Two, the health risk. After a certain time, guess what guys? You're member does have a shelf life, that's the way mother nature intended it. Retire it, take up wittling, attend a gardening seminar, wax your Lincoln Town Car, not your staff. Some things were just meant to be.
In short, major medical corporations make billions, absolutely billions off of us each year. How? With terrific advertising and government help. Why? Because we have been duked into being hypochondriacs. Everything we have and every way we act is incorrect, and must be adjusted to be normal. You know what, forget normal. What happened to individuality? You don't need pills to live from flawed and fake ailments. You need friends, family, determination, and the courage to say "Screw it, I'm here now and I'm gonna make the damnedest out of it."
But then again, what the hell do I know.
"Do we have a pill to cure AIDS, or Cancer? No! We've got a pill that'll make you harder then Chinese algebra!" - Robbin Williams
A few hundred years ago, depression didn't exist. "King Aurthur, do we set upon our epic quest today my lord!?!" - "No Sir Lancelot, I'm just not feeling it today."
NO! Depression is something we invented, then we backed it by "studies" and "statistics", we pussified ourselves. Seventy years ago if you weren't feeling happy, you know what you did? You got the hell out of your house and did something that made you happy. "Oh, but you don't know what it's like, to have to deal with this inner pain everyday." Blow me. If you honestly believe that then I have some prime spot high rise real estate in Haiti I want you to invest in.
We loath in our self pity. We think we're all unique, and suffer and only this pill, this magical pill that our Doctor has provided us can fix it. After all, he loves and cares for us, he doesn't do it because of our insurance company that pays these insane rates, nor the drug companies that offer crazy incentives. God no, couldn't be that! Listen, you're upset, I understand. But here's an idea, just throwing it out in the dark, its called having the blues. We all do. Life is shit, get to know this. If you're still in your mid to late 20s and suffer from depression, you're horribly wrong. You're having a tough time growing up and facing the real world, and that fact that it is an unpleasant, cruel, and rude place, where nobody gives a damn about you. We all feel uncomfortable, "out of whack & out of touch." Quit crying, grow up, come out of your cave and make something of yourself.
The Dinosaurs lived 65 MILLION years ago. The average human life span is 80 years. Are you gonna waste what little time you have here being self absorbed, or are you going to go make something of yourself. Anything is possible, the only X factor is you.
Which brings us to males and their penises'. (Odd segway into that I'm aware, but just go with it). Guys, I know too many of us (mostly the dumber ones of our species) think with the wrong head. It's because of pricks like you (pun intended), that everything in life has basically come down to a cock measuring contest, all the while lowering the international male IQ. You're resolve? Make a chemical, intended for heart use, accidentally creating side effect that generates is a raging hard on, realize what you've created, re-label the whole thing and bam!, new market created. I swear, if I locked myself in a room for a month, trying to come up with the funniest thing mankind has ever heard, I couldn't lay a finger on Viagra.
There is no reason an 85 year old retiree should be rocking a flag at full mast. Several reasons = one, nobody wants to see that, not even the pile of bones in the other room enjoying "The Price is Right" marathon that you intended on giving drill instruction to. Two, the health risk. After a certain time, guess what guys? You're member does have a shelf life, that's the way mother nature intended it. Retire it, take up wittling, attend a gardening seminar, wax your Lincoln Town Car, not your staff. Some things were just meant to be.
In short, major medical corporations make billions, absolutely billions off of us each year. How? With terrific advertising and government help. Why? Because we have been duked into being hypochondriacs. Everything we have and every way we act is incorrect, and must be adjusted to be normal. You know what, forget normal. What happened to individuality? You don't need pills to live from flawed and fake ailments. You need friends, family, determination, and the courage to say "Screw it, I'm here now and I'm gonna make the damnedest out of it."
But then again, what the hell do I know.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Euphemisms, Act I
Here in delightful Lee County, our aspiring, always on task School board decided that "Special Ed" wasn't the politically correct term to describe the mentally slower children that attend public schools in their district. Now before you attempt to do as I did and clean your ears out with a Dremel tool, allow me to explain -
They feel this is such a leap in the right direction, that they have now deemed it punishable, by a Saturday suspension, if you refer to them as "Special Ed."
I know, Jumping Jesus and Crispy Cream Christ!
When I attended High School (I say attended, I pretty much went there to catch up on sleep, set plans for the next party and get the daily gossip), they WERE special ed. Break the goddamn word down; Special (Adj) "Readily distinguishable from others of the same category", okay cool. Now Ed, short for Education. Even us who slept through school knew that was precisely the thing we were missing out on, so I'm fairly confident everyone is clear on what the "Ed" was short for.
So that leaves us with Special Ed simply meaning an education that is different from the usual. Something more focused, more one on one, exactly the type of attention they need. Great right? Wrong! Apparently, the added to the curriculum and started jutting down literature notes from a Jesse Jackson novel, and learned to throw an absolute shit fit over anything anyone says ever. So the school board, always the thinkers, swung into action!
They are now referred to as, and I cannot make this up; "Exceptional Students". Exceptional students? Bullshit asshole, the Exceptional Students, were the ones that made Honor Roll! That is why they were exceptional, they exceeded the requirements, and usually were the ones you bribe with a party invite in exchange for cliff notes on the last 5 chapters about Sacajawea, because you couldn't have given less of a rats ass.
This fear that we have formed, that we must all walk on eggshells, as not to offend anybody, its pathetic. We are so scared to say the wrong thing, to the point we now tolerate intolerance. It's absolutely absurd.
We all know the original Bill of Rights, well those over the I.Q. of your average MTV viewer, and we know that these supposed god given Rights are here to protect us. Well the beautiful thing about this society, is that in that Bill, there is an additional Right, written in-between the lines.
You have the god given Right to be offended in this country, offended by Anything! The word Special Ed, the Howard Stern show, hell even my pathetic blog. And the best part is, there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it. So whats the mature thing to do? Well, if it's this blog, click the little red X, conveniently located in the top right hand corner. If its Howard Stern, change the channel. And if the word "Special Ed" really offends you, maybe it is time to come to terms with your newly found right, and that opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one, and they all stink. There are much larger things in life to worry about then name calling.
They feel this is such a leap in the right direction, that they have now deemed it punishable, by a Saturday suspension, if you refer to them as "Special Ed."
I know, Jumping Jesus and Crispy Cream Christ!
When I attended High School (I say attended, I pretty much went there to catch up on sleep, set plans for the next party and get the daily gossip), they WERE special ed. Break the goddamn word down; Special (Adj) "Readily distinguishable from others of the same category", okay cool. Now Ed, short for Education. Even us who slept through school knew that was precisely the thing we were missing out on, so I'm fairly confident everyone is clear on what the "Ed" was short for.
So that leaves us with Special Ed simply meaning an education that is different from the usual. Something more focused, more one on one, exactly the type of attention they need. Great right? Wrong! Apparently, the added to the curriculum and started jutting down literature notes from a Jesse Jackson novel, and learned to throw an absolute shit fit over anything anyone says ever. So the school board, always the thinkers, swung into action!
They are now referred to as, and I cannot make this up; "Exceptional Students". Exceptional students? Bullshit asshole, the Exceptional Students, were the ones that made Honor Roll! That is why they were exceptional, they exceeded the requirements, and usually were the ones you bribe with a party invite in exchange for cliff notes on the last 5 chapters about Sacajawea, because you couldn't have given less of a rats ass.
This fear that we have formed, that we must all walk on eggshells, as not to offend anybody, its pathetic. We are so scared to say the wrong thing, to the point we now tolerate intolerance. It's absolutely absurd.
We all know the original Bill of Rights, well those over the I.Q. of your average MTV viewer, and we know that these supposed god given Rights are here to protect us. Well the beautiful thing about this society, is that in that Bill, there is an additional Right, written in-between the lines.
You have the god given Right to be offended in this country, offended by Anything! The word Special Ed, the Howard Stern show, hell even my pathetic blog. And the best part is, there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it. So whats the mature thing to do? Well, if it's this blog, click the little red X, conveniently located in the top right hand corner. If its Howard Stern, change the channel. And if the word "Special Ed" really offends you, maybe it is time to come to terms with your newly found right, and that opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one, and they all stink. There are much larger things in life to worry about then name calling.
Digital House Party
Whoopdee freakin' doo. Here I am, exposed, on the world wide web, for all to see. A blog, really? That's so, open of me isn't it? I mean, we all live such secure lives what with Facebook status's being updated every five goddamn minutes and tagging ourselves in those crazy pictures from that party two weeks ago.
Actually I'm kidding, this is my first real entry, and I'm honestly not quite sure which direction to go with it. I plan to use this little soap box of mine to broadcast my views, rants, and if I'm feeling all warm hearted, give a little advice.
Those who are close with me will be the first ones to tell you, I'm a simple guy to please, but I'm very opinionated. I've suffered through a lot in the last two years, job loss, the burring of my fiancee, facing life's realizations. This, in my opinion, has led to my ever sunny disposition and view on the world. It's not that I don't give a damn, well, that's probably part of it, but more-less, there are much bigger things in life to worry about. Situations will pass, I promise you.
So with that, I present to you, ME! I've always said, if you can't laugh about something in life, then it wasn't worth your time. Doesn't matter if its big, small, sorrow or joy, if you cannot look at a situation and squeeze even one little chuckle out of it, then you're really not living a fun life in my eyes. So that's it, I'm here to rant, laugh, explain, question & help. Thanks for taking part.
Actually I'm kidding, this is my first real entry, and I'm honestly not quite sure which direction to go with it. I plan to use this little soap box of mine to broadcast my views, rants, and if I'm feeling all warm hearted, give a little advice.
Those who are close with me will be the first ones to tell you, I'm a simple guy to please, but I'm very opinionated. I've suffered through a lot in the last two years, job loss, the burring of my fiancee, facing life's realizations. This, in my opinion, has led to my ever sunny disposition and view on the world. It's not that I don't give a damn, well, that's probably part of it, but more-less, there are much bigger things in life to worry about. Situations will pass, I promise you.
So with that, I present to you, ME! I've always said, if you can't laugh about something in life, then it wasn't worth your time. Doesn't matter if its big, small, sorrow or joy, if you cannot look at a situation and squeeze even one little chuckle out of it, then you're really not living a fun life in my eyes. So that's it, I'm here to rant, laugh, explain, question & help. Thanks for taking part.
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