Euphemisms, Act I

Here in delightful Lee County, our aspiring, always on task School board decided that "Special Ed" wasn't the politically correct term to describe the mentally slower children that attend public schools in their district. Now before you attempt to do as I did and clean your ears out with a Dremel tool, allow me to explain -

They feel this is such a leap in the right direction, that they have now deemed it punishable, by a Saturday suspension, if you refer to them as "Special Ed."

I know, Jumping Jesus and Crispy Cream Christ!

When I attended High School (I say attended, I pretty much went there to catch up on sleep, set plans for the next party and get the daily gossip), they WERE special ed. Break the goddamn word down; Special (Adj) "Readily distinguishable from others of the same category", okay cool. Now Ed, short for Education. Even us who slept through school knew that was precisely the thing we were missing out on, so I'm fairly confident everyone is clear on what the "Ed" was short for.

So that leaves us with Special Ed simply meaning an education that is different from the usual. Something more focused, more one on one, exactly the type of attention they need. Great right? Wrong! Apparently, the added to the curriculum and started jutting down literature notes from a Jesse Jackson novel, and learned to throw an absolute shit fit over anything anyone says ever. So the school board, always the thinkers, swung into action!

They are now referred to as, and I cannot make this up; "Exceptional Students". Exceptional students? Bullshit asshole, the Exceptional Students, were the ones that made Honor Roll! That is why they were exceptional, they exceeded the requirements, and usually were the ones you bribe with a party invite in exchange for cliff notes on the last 5 chapters about Sacajawea, because you couldn't have given less of a rats ass.

This fear that we have formed, that we must all walk on eggshells, as not to offend anybody, its pathetic. We are so scared to say the wrong thing, to the point we now tolerate intolerance. It's absolutely absurd.

We all know the original Bill of Rights, well those over the I.Q. of your average MTV viewer, and we know that these supposed god given Rights are here to protect us. Well the beautiful thing about this society, is that in that Bill, there is an additional Right, written in-between the lines.

You have the god given Right to be offended in this country, offended by Anything! The word Special Ed, the Howard Stern show, hell even my pathetic blog. And the best part is, there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it. So whats the mature thing to do? Well, if it's this blog, click the little red X, conveniently located in the top right hand corner. If its Howard Stern, change the channel. And if the word "Special Ed" really offends you, maybe it is time to come to terms with your newly found right, and that opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one, and they all stink. There are much larger things in life to worry about then name calling.