Swallow these Pills!

We have "Chantix" to help you stop smoking, "Celebrex" to help you move your oldass bones. We've got "Lexapro" if you hate your life, or "Cialas" if your dick hates you. Question - Were the Romans concerned about cholesterol? Did Ben Franklin and Albert Einstein have to "Talk to their doctors about taking Viagra?" My guess, probably not. Why? Because life was just plain old simple. Your cock didn't work anymore, guess it just wasn't meant to re-produce anymore. We've had so many new mental and physical ailments in the last 25 years, and oddly enough, a freaking pill to accommodate each and every goddamn one of them.

"Do we have a pill to cure AIDS, or Cancer? No! We've got a pill that'll make you harder then Chinese algebra!" - Robbin Williams

A few hundred years ago, depression didn't exist. "King Aurthur, do we set upon our epic quest today my lord!?!" - "No Sir Lancelot, I'm just not feeling it today."

NO! Depression is something we invented, then we backed it by "studies" and "statistics", we pussified ourselves. Seventy years ago if you weren't feeling happy, you know what you did? You got the hell out of your house and did something that made you happy. "Oh, but you don't know what it's like, to have to deal with this inner pain everyday." Blow me. If you honestly believe that then I have some prime spot high rise real estate in Haiti I want you to invest in.

We loath in our self pity. We think we're all unique, and suffer and only this pill, this magical pill that our Doctor has provided us can fix it. After all, he loves and cares for us, he doesn't do it because of our insurance company that pays these insane rates, nor the drug companies that offer crazy incentives. God no, couldn't be that! Listen, you're upset, I understand. But here's an idea, just throwing it out in the dark, its called having the blues. We all do. Life is shit, get to know this. If you're still in your mid to late 20s and suffer from depression, you're horribly wrong. You're having a tough time growing up and facing the real world, and that fact that it is an unpleasant, cruel, and rude place, where nobody gives a damn about you. We all feel uncomfortable, "out of whack & out of touch." Quit crying, grow up, come out of your cave and make something of yourself.

The Dinosaurs lived 65 MILLION years ago. The average human life span is 80 years. Are you gonna waste what little time you have here being self absorbed, or are you going to go make something of yourself. Anything is possible, the only X factor is you.

Which brings us to males and their penises'. (Odd segway into that I'm aware, but just go with it). Guys, I know too many of us (mostly the dumber ones of our species) think with the wrong head. It's because of pricks like you (pun intended), that everything in life has basically come down to a cock measuring contest, all the while lowering the international male IQ. You're resolve? Make a chemical, intended for heart use, accidentally creating side effect that generates is a raging hard on, realize what you've created, re-label the whole thing and bam!, new market created. I swear, if I locked myself in a room for a month, trying to come up with the funniest thing mankind has ever heard, I couldn't lay a finger on Viagra.

There is no reason an 85 year old retiree should be rocking a flag at full mast. Several reasons = one, nobody wants to see that, not even the pile of bones in the other room enjoying "The Price is Right" marathon that you intended on giving drill instruction to. Two, the health risk. After a certain time, guess what guys? You're member does have a shelf life, that's the way mother nature intended it. Retire it, take up wittling, attend a gardening seminar, wax your Lincoln Town Car, not your staff. Some things were just meant to be.

In short, major medical corporations make billions, absolutely billions off of us each year. How? With terrific advertising and government help. Why? Because we have been duked into being hypochondriacs. Everything we have and every way we act is incorrect, and must be adjusted to be normal. You know what, forget normal. What happened to individuality? You don't need pills to live from flawed and fake ailments. You need friends, family, determination, and the courage to say "Screw it, I'm here now and I'm gonna make the damnedest out of it."

But then again, what the hell do I know.